We all have people in our past who have wronged us. We also have a laundry list of bad things that have happened to us. What transpired in our past does not have to dictate our future. That is why forgiveness is so important. You have to let go of the emotional baggage because eventually you will no longer be able to carry it, and you will come to a standstill. You will have to either sit down where you are, or unpack and travel forward. The choice is yours. If you want to be in a healthy, loving relationship with the person of your dreams, then you need to wake up from the nightmare that you have been selling yourself every single night.
So, how do you choose forgiveness?
Step 1: Re-read your story. In order to forgive the past, you need to relive it. Sit down with a journal and write down all of the things in your past that you believe have had a negative impact on your life. This means that you need to write down each individual that you believe has wronged you in some way. Give details of when, where, how and what the person did. Write down how the person made you feel, how they reacted to what they did, and where your relationship is with them now. Write down why you think this person acted as they did. Understanding why someone did what they did is an important part of healing. Were they malicious in their intent, or did they simply make a mistake. What other options did they have in the situation? What could they have done differently to make sure that they did not deceive or hurt you? When you put yourself in your harmer’s shoes, then you begin to see them in a different light. You start to see that they are a person who simply made the wrong choice. How can you hold onto anger for someone else’s error in judgment? We all make mistakes, right? As humans we are flawed. Nobody is perfect. It is easier to forgive someone who made the wrong choice versus someone who purposefully hurt you. Change your perspective, and you change your history.
Step 2: Re-write your story. If you don’t like your story, then change it. Realize that you are not a victim. Whatever happened to you in your past did not diminish your strength or your participation in your life. Bad things happen to people all the time. People grow up in abusive homes. People cheat on their spouses. People steal from you. People lie to you, and they deceive you. What you have to understand is that these are “things” that happened to you, simple footnotes in the book of your life. They are choices made by other people. Someone else’s actions do not define you. They don’t move you from lead character to supporting role. You are the main player in your life. Be your own hero. When you realize that bad events are just a part of life, then you will be okay. The events in our lives allow us to grow. We learn from our experiences. They don’t define us. They make us better teachers and better students.
Step 3: Release your story. Just let go. Forgiveness is for you. You need to realize that by letting go of the past, you are freeing up your future. Anger, pain, resentment, and guilt are all invisible prisons that you build for yourself. Remember, if you built the prison, then you built the lock......and the key. Open the door, and release your emotions. Let go of the anger. It does not serve you anymore. Let go of the pain. It steals your pleasure. Let go of the resentment. You don’t need to blame others for how you feel. Forgive them, and set them free to live their own lives. Most importantly, let go of the guilt. You don’t need its chokehold. Forgive yourself for jailing your emotions. Say goodbye to them, and send them packing. They have overstayed their welcome, and you are ready to take control of your life. Release your story, and you release your life.
It’s not easy to forgive, but it’s even more difficult to live without forgiveness. Forgiveness is a tool that helps you to build a stronger foundation for your future relationships. Re-read your story. Re-write your story. Release your story. Repeat as necessary. If you do these things, then, I promise you, you will travel lighter when entering into a new relationship.
With Love and Gratitude,
Matchmaker Lisa Maria XOXO