Happy Valentine's Day Loves! Today is a day to celebrate all things pertaining to love. It does not matter if you are in a relationship or not. There are all types of love around us, including romantic love, friendship, community, family, and of course self-love. Today, with all of it's pink and red hearts and abundance of love quotes, is just a reminder to us all that we are surrounded by love at all times. For us matchmakers, it is a day that also celebrates us and all of the love that we put out into the world on a daily basis.
I think a part of me always knew that I wanted to be a matchmaker. As a young child, I was completely obsessed with all things pertaining to love. I can remember waking up on Valentine’s Day with eager anticipation for all of the cards that I would give and receive at school that day. I loved picking out the perfect card for each and every person. Poetry, weddings, and red hearts have always made me smile. Love was, and is, in my blood.
I was not taught love, but I still gave and sought love freely. I did not know why at the time, but I’m pretty sure that love always found me because it started within me. I believed in love, so I made it true. I always saw the best in people. I recognized their “light”, and I sensed their “hope”. I still do to this day. I want everyone around me to feel loved, honored, and appreciated.
As a matchmaker, I often ask my clients who their first love was? They will usually name and spout off about some long lost first “crush”. I tell them that this was their first detour from the path of “love”. Your first love should always be yourself. Until you love yourself, you cannot truly love another. You may be attracted to someone. You may like him/her a whole lot; however, you can never completely give yourself to another until you become a person you feel worthy of giving away. That does not mean becoming perfect. It means loving all of yourself, even the parts that you see as seemingly flawed.
Lack of “self-love” is one of the main reasons why there are so many failed relationships. One or both people have failed to fall in love with who they are before entering into the dating arena. Anger, insecurity, jealousy, addiction, sadness, hate, and desperation all stem from a lack of self-love. You begin to resent in others the things that you do not like about yourself. To have a healthy relationship, you have to have two unique individuals who are madly in love with their personal selves.
I’m not saying that self-love is easy. You have to put in the work, and it all starts with mindset. You have to look in the mirror and respect and own what you previously saw as “flaws”. Change your mindset from, “I am so fat. I need to lose 10 pounds” to “I have been blessed with a well-fed life”. It’s okay to want to lose the weight for yourself, but love yourself even with the extra 10 pounds. Clients ask me all the time if they should wait to date until they lose some extra weight, and I always tell them the same thing : “No. Go on dates despite the weight. If you put yourself out there, perceived flaws and all, then you will gain confidence". Confidence is sexy. Plus, once you start dating, you will start feeling better about yourself, and the weight will start “magically” leaving your body. This goes for all of the other things about yourself that you feel the need to change. You are loved and lovable just as you are.
It is easy to be your own worst critic, so why not start being your biggest fan? If you love yourself and see yourself as “worthy” of love, then love will always find you. Love gravitates towards love, just as hate begets hate. Carve open your soul and allow it to be framed in public for all to see. Allow people to see your love, your soul, your heart, your mind, your vulnerability, and your humanity. Take risks. Allow people into your life. When you do that, you allow people to love you for the unique being that you are, loving all of you completely, beauty and “flaws”. Set the stage so that you can then give them a platform to be the unique person that they are as well.
When you let love enter your life, then you begin to affect the people around you. You move people. You make them feel emotions. You give them a sense of belonging to a secret world that only you and they know. You lift people out of the depths of darkness, and you cradle them in your love. You give people hope. You allow people to dream. You give permission for uniqueness. Be the pure love that you want to receive. Be the person who allows people to tenderly walk through and touch the deepest parts of your soul.
The world needs more love right now. It needs to heal. It needs acceptance. It needs inclusion. It needs each of us to look in the mirror, and say “I love you. I love you so that I may love others.” At first it may feel like an over-spraying of perfume, but once a little time passes, you will still smell the sweetness in the air. Now, go be your own damn Valentine, and put your "stank" on love. Remember to do the same tomorrow, and the day after that too. You don't need the 14th of February to celebrate love, but the hearts and quotes of today sure are special.
From my heart to yours,
XOXO,
Matchmaker Lisa Maria